I Want My Kids to Fail

A great article.
http://rochestersage.org/

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed. – Michael Jordan

The pupil who is never required to do what he cannot do, never does what he can do. – John Stuart Mill

I want my kids to fail.  That probably isn’t at the top of your list for your kids, but it should be.  Failure is one of the most important experiences they will ever have.  The road to success is paved with failure because failure teaches us how to succeed.

I want my kids to fail.  It is only when they fail that they have an opportunity to pick themselves back up.  It is only when they fail that they learn to work hard.  It is only when they fail that they learn what doesn’t work.  It is only when they fail that they learn that sometimes people need help.  It is only when they fail that they learn empathy for others struggling.   It is only when they fail that they learn that life is not always fair.  It is only when they fail that they understand what being human is.

I want my kids to fail, but not to the point that they can’t emotionally continue.  Right now I am there to help provide a pep talk, spend time working with them to succeed, and tell them that I believe they can succeed if they continue to try.  But I will not always be able to be there, so this motivation needs to become internalized so that they succeed even if no one else believes in them.

I want my kids to fail, but not to the point where they cannot afford to feed, shelter, and clothe themselves.  While they are under my care is a time that the consequences of failure are not threatening to their health and welfare.  This is the time to learn through failure how to succeed.

I want my kids to fail in the classroom.  This is true education!  I don’t want them to believe that success is easy, but when a child is bright enough to learn with minimal effort and is rewarded with A’s for that, they come to believe that hard work isn’t needed for success.  I want them to struggle, to not always succeed on the first try – or the twentieth, to learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or lack of intelligence, and to see that success is often a long process.

I want my kids to fail.  That is one reason we supplement their education at home.  Our kindergartner has learned through doing second grade math, which she can find challenging, that there is a strong correlation between the effort she puts in and how her quiz scores are.  When she has a rough quiz, she often chooses to do three or four practices so that her next quiz will be better.  This drive will take her further than her natural intelligence.

I want my kids to fail – and you should want yours to also.  If your children are struggling, help them to learn to succeed.  Don’t make success easy for them, but teach them the skills they need to succeed.  If your children are not struggling at times in school, ask why not.  Ask for curriculum that challenges them and makes them work for their grades.  Learning how to fail is one of the most important skills they will ever learn.

I want my kids to fail.  It is how they will learn to succeed.

Rich

I Love You Father

For me, living out loud, sharing my thoughts here on my blog/s are primarily to do with my continued and growing relationship with God my loving heavenly Father.
It is out this budding revelation I want to share these fresh from the oven thoughts that came straight from His heart to mine this morning.

Because of how fear has so polluted and imprisoned me, whenever the Lord would try to speak to the hurts in my life, usually through my loving caring treasured wife, I would usually be launched into a diatribe defense of myself, but this morning was another glimpse into what is being undone in the depths of my being.

I have a problem with excessive talkativeness. Probably everyone around me could attest to this – everyone, that is, except me! It has only been within the last two days that the Lord has finally been able to infiltrate the slightest crack in the veneer I had created for myself that has existed since childhood. When I shared with my wife how exhausted I was after talking for hours with a house guest and how I couldn’t seem to keep myself from going on and on, she noticed that it was the first time I had ever admitted to having a problem in this area. In the past, when she noticed how others would politely zone out after a while and suggested I learn to listen more and talk less, I would get very angry. I’d immediately come to my own defense and shut her down, saying, “I talk because that is how God made me! If people don’t like it, it’s tough!”
However, today was a different story. I admitted that I didn’t know how to stop myself from talking on and on. My wife said she felt it was a nervous reaction, and by me finally admitting it as such was the beginning of seeing this bastion that has so negatively shaped my life starting to crumble.

On the heels of this Father spoke this heart message to me, Son, it was out of fear you carved, established an identity to compensate for all of the terror, trauma and abandonment you experienced in growing up as a child, but know this, it is my love for you that is setting the stage for this to all be dismantled, it is my love that will calm your soul and as you rest in the security of my Love for you, this surgical procedure will release and bring to the surface your true identity, one totally established, rooted in a love that has NO conditions!

Father’s day being just around the corner and seeing as how my dad passed away January the 21 2006, I wanted to honour him as well as my heavenly father with what I have shared here.
Speaking of my earthly dad, Father brought back to mind a memory of mine that happened a few short years before he died, it was while I was visiting him in a nursing home, when I said to him just before leaving to head back home, “Dad, you owe me nothing, I owe you everything.”
Later Father spoke to me about that which I said to me dad, “Son, do you know what you are doing, I thought, Lord, I’m not sure I’m hearing you right, He said, you are fathering your father, as you are discovering the truth of my healing, restoring love as your Father, you are presenting your father with a father he as well never had.”

Father, Papa, I LOVE YOU!

Rich

Our Metal-Mettle Being Tested

At the suggestion of my friend Dave after reading my reply to Pete, he thought this would flow nicely with it, I agree.

Rich

I couldn't resist sharing this from Wayne Jacobsen's book, The Naked Church.

"Gold refined by fire." 'Fire-refined gold is a common biblical analogy for an active faith that can stand the test of difficult circumstances. It is a far cry from the pseudofaith touted today that attempts to compel God to give us whatever we desire. Faith is not a gimmick; it is an intimate trust and dependence on God that is not hinged to circumstances but grounded deep in God's nature.'


Boasting in our Weakness
Watchman Née

''He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.' Most gladly therefore I will rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ may tabernacle over me.'' II Corinthians 12:9

It is one thing to say that we cannot make it, and it is another thing to give up trying to make it altogether. Can we see that these are two things? The first condition to victory is to realize that we cannot make it, and the second is to give up trying to make it. If we will admit that we cannot make it and give up trying to make it, we will overcome.

What does it mean to try to make it? Let me take temper as an example. Suppose you are a quick-tempered person, and you cannot control your temper. The more you try, the more you fail. You admit that you can do nothing about your temper. What should you do? You know with certainty that there is no way to control your temper, yet you still try to control it. Then what do you do? You try to be more careful when you speak with others. You try to avoid those with whom you cannot get along well, and you try to talk to those with whom you can get along well. You avoid fellowship with those who agitate you and run away from their face. Every time you are about to lose your temper, you try your best to suppress it. You try to suppress it with more prayers. What is this? This is being unable, yet at the same time trying to be able.

Brothers and sisters, please remember that the condition of victory is acknowledging that we are unable, and the greatest barrier to victory is trying to be able. Victory is from Christ; it is Christ who is living on our behalf. The overcoming life requires that we take a stand and declare, ''I cannot make it and I do not intend to make it. Please make it for me. I will not fabricate my own victory.'' I have heard a few sisters remark to me, ''Brother Nee, it would be wonderful if my temper could improve a little.'' I always tell them, ''You have to thank the Lord for your quick temper.''

Weakness is not something that one should lament over or weep about. Weakness is something that one should boast in. You may have said, ''Thank and praise the Lord He has made me overcome,'' but have you ever said, ''Thank and praise the Lord, He has made me fail miserably''? You thank and praise the Lord for giving you patience, but have you thanked and praised the Lord for your impossible temper? Have you thanked and praised Him for your pride? Have you thanked and praised Him for your jealousy? Have you thanked and praised Him for your unclean thoughts within and for your sin? Brothers and sisters, do you have a sin which you cannot even confess? What are you going to do? Are you going to be sorrowful? It is a glorious thing for a man to realize that he is helpless. Once the Lord shows you that you cannot make it, He will immediately show you that God can make it. Your Lord does not show you your inability to discourage you, but for you to believe that He has an excellent opportunity to work in you. In the past you may have grieved over your weakness or wept over your sins. But today you can boast and praise! ''Lord I thank You because I cannot make it. I thank you because I have no way to overcome. I am not able. I rejoice because I am not able. I rejoice because I cannot do anything. Only You can do everything.'' If you do this, you will overcome.