Monday, January 09, 2006

God Stole My Daddy

A brief excerpt from a letter written to my son.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who was as lost as lost could be. His name was Richard. He honestly believed he had nothing going for him in his life whatsoever. A funny thing happened to this lost young man on his way to hell – he ended up meeting the Lord. Using the term ‘born again’ had more significance to me than just the religious connotation. The impact of it upon my heart, for the very first time, meant that I had a purpose, a reason for being alive unlike ever before. And it was this purpose that I craved passionately to comprehend.

You have to understand that not ever believing I was good for anything or anybody, just like dust blowing in the wind, that this encounter meant to me far more than just being a ‘go to church’ attendee. Almost from the get-go, it was my erroneous perception that this experience of running into God was somehow spelled out that I was to be in the ministry. And like King Arthur and his search for the Holy Grail – wanting to be in the ministry was the fuel that fired me up to look for that.

What I thought originally was a good thing literally stole the affections of my heart. I allowed it to steal my heart in very practical ways, much like a drug addict or alcoholic who hurt the people that are closest to them – the ones they should have been most concerned about – except in my case, this drug was religion.

At the time, even though I was a Christian, the deception of being called into the ministry wouldn’t have appealed to me whatsoever - if in fact I knew my worth, value and significance just in being a child of God, my Father’s son. But looking back, I clearly see how incredibly easy it is to be self-deceived. And it’s extremely painful now in seeing the pain that I caused people – your mom, your sister and particularly you. Again, not trying to excuse myself, I naively, innocently, unknowingly, whatever – became deeply deceived. Nonetheless, through this deception, innocent people such as you became victims of much hurt and pain.


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