Monday, November 20, 2006

Swimming Upstream

Getting back to that infamous Sunday morning when I heard the 'Voice'.
I was trying to fit in, going through the motions at least, when suddenly what I saw next was most perplexing. It was as if I was at a big screen movie showing. There was this large and rushing water fall that seemed to descend at almost a 90 degree angle into a pool of water that stirred up much turbulence.
There were many large fish floating belly up from having tried to go against the vicious current, and as I pondered upon this site one of the live fish swam up to me singing, this is like heaven to me.
I immediately said..NO, this not like heaven at all.
It was as if this fish could read my thoughts, pointing out what was stirring hidden within my're not thinking of trying to go up stream are you? To which I replied-YES. He then said, you know you will be killed if you try, I said, yes that is most likely true, but this I know, if I stay here I am already dead!

It was on the heels of this sight, I then heard my Father speaking to me and giving me an invitation, you can go and live, or stay and die.I had no understanding of what awaited my going and living, why, because my whole identity was barnacled to the sinking ship of religious temple service/activity.

Staying and dying I knew only to well, that trough I had been feeding out of for some time.

This had to be one of the saddest and at the same time painful days of my life. Everything I had ever wanted, everything I had known was connected to being in the 'ministry', I had been willing to sacrifice anything in order to follow Him. Going and living was most appealing, vs. staying and dying, but..was there Life outside of temple worship and all that had shackled me there?

I sat on what I saw and heard for some time, only sharing with my wife the events. I later shared this with my pastor my once fellow colleague, and he blessed me/us in cutting our ropes from the ship of religion, although he had no more understanding than I did at the time, but I knew to do anything less was now not an option.

This dismantling of my/our lives was set into motion in an accelerated fashion, there was no escaping our appointment with being buried alive.
It's funny how Father brings things back to our memory, especially during this most suffocating time.
He spoke to my heart about that time back in the 70's when it was cool/fashionable to have friends write a blessing of some kind in the fly leaf of our bible, I remember our pastor writing from Phil. 3..That I might know Him etc..The Lord was now speaking to me saying, you had that written in the fly leaf of your bible, but I am going to write it into your heart.

No man is going to see God and live, there has to be a death, or better yet a continuous dying, being separated from the lies of that which had fashioned my identity was much like a petrified corpse, and Satan was not going to roll over and play dead in seeing me delivered.The daily deliverance of trusting Him to save me from returning to those lies, is an ever living gift of His love.

Those were the days my friend, we thought they would never end, the song says, and yes that was but the beginning of being awakened to a world/realm of living that had no ties or connections to temple living/worship.
This newly found and unfolding discovery of Him being my freedom was most humbling as well as unnerving. His intention was to finish that which He had begun, but there were many more tunnels to yet pass through.
The illusion we buy into, is that once you have been through something as crushing and dismantling as what I and so many others have faced, you are into a zen like flow now.How wrong can you be. There are seasons of the soul, and the Father's training is prolonged until we get home.

Are we there yet??


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