It’s a Process

As Christians we appear worse off than the rest of the world because we sometimes show forth Christ and sometimes our self-centered independent self. This inconsistency is unnerving both to those around us and to ourselves. Again, this is not due to our being inherently worse than anyone else. We are merely suffering under the influence of old habits and ways of living.
We spent a lifetime to the point of our salvation living as the world taught us to live. This was an extensive schooling in the fine art of self-centered existence. We were taught by experts and we learned our lessons well. It is not responsible for us to expect to come out from under this teaching quickly or cleanly.
The Father does not expect our instant transformation and we should not expect it either.
Our progress is further slowed by the fact that we still posses a free will. We will be allowed by the Father to make choices every day that we live this life.
As we exercise the freedom to choose to let God lead us, we grow in God and Christ. As we grow in Christ we are led away from the old understandings and habits. I am not encouraged in this matter by any progress I make away from my old self-centered ways. What does encourage me however is the Father’s patience in leading me away from the old ways of living.

The soul requires training in the ways of God. You can see the results of this training in the increasing facility we gain as the schooling goes on. As we submit to God’s progressive killing of the “independent-self” we find it easier to turn to God. In this process we see more of the individual self coming forth. This is sometimes a painfully slow process. There are areas in our lives that require lessons that are repeated (seemingly) millions of times before we begin to get it.