It seems I am stumbling into/upon more and more individuals who are experiencing a reality (like a Son-rise within their soul) that they never thought possible, nor the pain that is coupled with it.
This so reminds me of the scene in the movie, The Wizard Of Oz, when Dorothy's dog Toto begins pulling back on the curtain being used to hide the shenanigans of an old and decrepit man, masquerading as the Great Oz, and with his best trickery, bellows out, 'Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain'.
As an additional thought regarding the Oz story, didn't Dorothy, as well as her three companions already have what they thought only the Great Oz could give them, but were totally blinded from this truth?
If we were hard wired as it were in the re-birthing to be defined by God the Father's love, then anything less than that will continually create a cheap and disturbing placebo within us.
In light of one of the quotes below, it is this reality of His love that begins to evoke, penetrate a persons soul which causes in my words, birth pangs, much like the labor pains of a very pregnant woman about to explode if she isn't soon delivered.
In the face of what APPEARS to be real, the looks upon the faces of my fellow Christian brothers who 'appear' to have it all together, are no longer able to stop me from becoming the biggest (fool) horses ass in many counties. (To borrow a line from the movie, Field Of Dreams, where the role Kevin Costner is playing, he decides to plow under his corn field in lue of building a baseball field in its place, which was pure insanity in light of needing the cash from his corn crop to try and offset an impending bankruptcy).
Life is designed to cooperate with what Jesus said would happen as a result of being in this world, 'In the world you will have trouble-pressures, multiplied many times over'. This distress is designed for the purpose of being used in His skillful and loving hands to free us from the lies, you know, those lies we've all bought into, thinking we can live this Christian life, or believing we have the where-with-all to deal with the shit kicking that WILL happen.
Seems to me it is a life long journey of staying in this living, loving orbit, revolving around the Son, and in so doing, the progressive discovery of being extricated from the lies...'you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free'!
Grace has been given a bad rap especially seen from the eyes and hearts of those 'going through the wringer' of life, maybe for more than just the first or second time.
Seeing what they perceive is the work or fruit of God in another's life whereby whenever they experience life's dumping on them, they seem to bounce back good as new, seemingly with the slightest of ease. Not realizing that what they think is the grace of God operating in their lives, is but them relying solely on what they have by virtue of heredity, and that will never be enough to withstand the storms of life, and in fact will rob them of being intimately acquainted with Him in the fellowship of His sufferings.
Thank God for the tsunami effects of His stubborn love awakening such seemingly out of control desperation in the souls of men and women throughout the earth. So many are desiring to hush them up like a questioning and fidgety child in some mausoleum called a church, asking 'Why, am feeling so empty, why is nothing making any sense no matter how hard I try to serve God'.
I am so grateful that Father has his priorities clearly fixed in His heart regarding those he IS disturbing with His wonderful grace...Just like Peter, we say to those noisy moms with their crying babies, don't call us, we'll call you, BUT, Jesus hears that and says, 'Bring the children unto Me'!
Amazing His Disturbing Grace!
I can TOTALLY relate to your story. TOTALLY!Thanks for your raw honesty. It makes me feel less "weird". It can be very lonely trying to describe some of those feelings to other christians who appear to have it all together. So thank you!
Denise, the raw honesty is where it is really at. It is so painful but it is the process that He uses to make Himself known. God accepts us as we really are. We learn to accept Him here as He really is. I think everyone who seeks Him goes through this. It is not as evident because folks try to cover it up like a dirty family secret. That just makes it harder as we feel "weird" and lonely and thinking we’ve done something wrong. But Father also uses that to draw us to Himself.
It really has nothing to do with being Christians who appear to have it all together. After you go through the "wringer" a few times their is very little, if anything, of your civil self left. There is only your real self & raw emotions standing before God. That is what it takes for Him to work on us.
We are all different, so He needs to work on us differently, but it isn’t pleasant or pretty for anyone who is willing to let God work on them. I also can relate to this story. The first part anyway. I haven’t come out the other end. I’m still making more passes through the wringer. But I do have a renewed Faith that He who began a good work in me WILL carry it through to completion.
This fall I took a 12-week class from the Center for Professional Excellence called the Sage Hill Institute. One of my goals over the holidays has been to compile some of my notes. I thought I’d share some here that spurred further thinking.
God is more concerned with you having you than he is with you having him. It sounds heretical at first. However, if you really think it through, it makes frightening sense. The more we know and have ourselves, the more we realize that we are not enough. So much of our efforts attempt to gain more control over life. If we are honest, though, we’ll grasp the fact that we can’t, and if we ever think we have, we’re in deeper trouble than when we started out. Our authentic lives genuinely get started when we are brought to the end of ourselves. Once at our limit of life that we can handle, we experience a "cry out". A "cry out" is our desperate plea that acknowledges God as the only one capable of satisfying our need.
God loves our "cry out" because it means that we know and have ourselves, and we realize we need more. I am not enough. God wants all of us because we have to have him, not because he is one of our options for life. He wants us because we can go nowhere else. And so God is first concerned with you having you before he is with you having him. Are you willing to travel to the end of yourself to risk finding God?