Friday, June 05, 2009
Somewhere in the process of being born I crossed over into the Twilight Zone and for the better part of my life it was as if I hadn’t even existed.
It’s one thing to experience guilt for a number of reasons, actual or merely perceived, but to live out of shame; it is an inner branding that poisons everything and screams back at you, “You’re less than shit”!
It has only been within the last twelve years or so that out of this dung heap of an identity of shame that my precious, kind and caring Father has made it possible to begin to know the reality of not measuring my worth based upon what I have or don’t have, and that includes being born and all that which unfolded within my life from that point.
He has and continues to draw me ever deeper into the light of his consuming love, and as I am beginning to adjust to my belovedness in Him, the clouds of fear and shame that have tried to define who I am are slowly melting before my eyes.
As the clouds roll away, the unclouded expression of His deep affection and love for me reach out like a heat seeking missile seeking other lost and shamed gripped orphans.
The abundant fruitfulness that is coming forth from my utter infertility is gripping my soul with such awe and wonder, I hesitate to even consider what yet lies ahead.