Wednesday, June 03, 2009
I Love You Father
For me, living out loud, sharing my thoughts here on my blog/s are primarily to do with my continued and growing relationship with God my loving heavenly Father.
It is out this budding revelation I want to share these fresh from the oven thoughts that came straight from His heart to mine this morning.
Because of how fear has so polluted and imprisoned me, whenever the Lord would try to speak to the hurts in my life, usually through my loving caring treasured wife, I would usually be launched into a diatribe defense of myself, but this morning was another glimpse into what is being undone in the depths of my being.
I have a problem with excessive talkativeness. Probably everyone around me could attest to this – everyone, that is, except me! It has only been within the last two days that the Lord has finally been able to infiltrate the slightest crack in the veneer I had created for myself that has existed since childhood. When I shared with my wife how exhausted I was after talking for hours with a house guest and how I couldn’t seem to keep myself from going on and on, she noticed that it was the first time I had ever admitted to having a problem in this area. In the past, when she noticed how others would politely zone out after a while and suggested I learn to listen more and talk less, I would get very angry. I’d immediately come to my own defense and shut her down, saying, “I talk because that is how God made me! If people don’t like it, it’s tough!”
However, today was a different story. I admitted that I didn’t know how to stop myself from talking on and on. My wife said she felt it was a nervous reaction, and by me finally admitting it as such was the beginning of seeing this bastion that has so negatively shaped my life starting to crumble.
On the heels of this Father spoke this heart message to me, Son, it was out of fear you carved, established an identity to compensate for all of the terror, trauma and abandonment you experienced in growing up as a child, but know this, it is my love for you that is setting the stage for this to all be dismantled, it is my love that will calm your soul and as you rest in the security of my Love for you, this surgical procedure will release and bring to the surface your true identity, one totally established, rooted in a love that has NO conditions!
Father’s day being just around the corner and seeing as how my dad passed away January the 21 2006, I wanted to honour him as well as my heavenly father with what I have shared here.
Speaking of my earthly dad, Father brought back to mind a memory of mine that happened a few short years before he died, it was while I was visiting him in a nursing home, when I said to him just before leaving to head back home, “Dad, you owe me nothing, I owe you everything.”
Later Father spoke to me about that which I said to me dad, “Son, do you know what you are doing, I thought, Lord, I’m not sure I’m hearing you right, He said, you are fathering your father, as you are discovering the truth of my healing, restoring love as your Father, you are presenting your father with a father he as well never had.”
Father, Papa, I LOVE YOU!