I too am being drawn out from my prison house of fear, shame, and prolonged atrophy of the heart.
One of my favorite sayings is; ‘Even a blind man can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the orchards in one seed.’
I trust in His grace and love to set into motion those rippling effects to undo in the lives of those dear to me what has caused such hurt and pain, He indeed has my attention.
The following is but a few snippets of life’s derailing, and learning in and through it all I can BE set free from being one of the many soulishly trained dogs of Pavlov.
I’m jumping way down the road in this even with our daughter, there was so much more that preceded this.
We got home this afternoon and we each got on our PC's to find a email from our daughter stating how after having to wait for over 3 hours to get her Mac back (the hard drive crashed on it) she took it home and had to locate the reinstall Cd's she needed to finish up the new hard drive that was put in under warranty. She had made a cup of tea and was coming over to work on her Mac when I guess she tripped and spilled her cup of tea all over the keyboard, she immediately turned it upside down to get rid of the water, she said it instantly shut down, her friend that was there helping her with the reinstall Cd's said that, that had happened to him once as well, and after letting it dry for some time, it seemed to work ok. We contacted apple for her to see if this kind of thing was covered under any of her extended coverage, it wasn't, so she is pretty bummed out right now to say the least, and we aren't able to contact her yet as she went over to a friends place to chill out because of all of this.
Even though this is her problem the Lord is using it to enlighten me, let me tell you...the mind set of not long ago is there in the throws of this situation to come down hard on her for what I saw as her carelessness, instead of responding to her hurt, and frustration in loving compassion. I am slowly recognizing only because of seeing my need for his loving care and patience for me, to respond in love vs reacting and throwing gas on an already blazing fire.
As Margi and I were coming home from supper last night, we were talking about the issue of God opposing-resisting the proud but giving grace to the humble. I got looking into those scriptures said or inferred in others saying pretty much the same thing and I was led into a very disturbing but needed x-ray of my own soulish attitudes that were not embracing the humble One in me, not sure this will make sense as I feel I am stumbling over me words here, but I began to see how just such annoying derailment's in life, being inconvenienced, put upon, etc was His way of wanting to grace me, or to bring forth His Son in me as me and introduce Him to a suffering world who only knows how to react to life's assaults.
I said to Margi there was no condemnation in my heart attitudes and motives being exposed, just a sense of it being such a deep and penetrating gift of his love for me, (Caustic Grace) wanting to bring in deeper assurance to my hurting and troubled soul, that He could be trusted.
I have been and probably am still so very much in a hurray to get to where I want to Be, and do what I want to do, and maybe missing out on a lot of good stuff because of it?
Friday I was inside all day at work as I was for most of the week instead of going out on a route, because of trying to avoid antagonizing this cold I was trying to see to its end. In the many different things I had to do yesterday I found myself in a reflective mood, musing, as I was running here and there doing designated work assignments for my boss I found myself actually looking, thinking, asking myself why I always seemed to be in such a hurray?
For whatever reason/s, I started slowing down, not racing-driving like a mad man to get to the next point, for what?
As I am now looking back at this I trust it will become a more solid (natural) and definite expression of Him in me as me in my newly chosen route I will commence on Monday, as it will be one of traveling all over the city in the process of delivering many more parcels than I have ever done before. I sure hope I'm making some sense here bro, maybe when we get the chance to talk, I can further elucidate.
There were (Today) as there will always be until I go to be forever with my heavenly Father other wonderful insights of experiencing His amazing grace, setting into motion dynamics of loving and living in the moment that have so not been a part of my life.
Papa, I so love you!