Funny hearing from you, in fact, I'm not surprised, meaning, you were on my heart this morning as well as different mornings, simply lifting you up to our loving Father.
What's going on..hmmm, plenty.
I reflected on your question, and I guess I would have to say it goes back to Him recently impressing upon my heart how He was in fact birthing in me a whole new reality of who He IS, and that all of the very 'stuff' I was in and going through was all part of that new reality coming to pass.
Strange how one can so soon forget, eh?
Not to be over dramatic here, but I'm not sure that in this new reality of Him coming to pass in my life or in anyone’s life, is it ever going to happen without some kind of heavy duty flack?
Things came to a head for me yesterday, when Margi and I were coming back from London, as usual we were listening (catching up on the last two pod casts) and Father was making known in specific detail how much he wanted to Love up on me.
I am using this term, (junk yard dog) only because it is a picture of how he is making himself known to me right now. (in case you haven't caught it yet, I am a most visual person) Not Him being that dog.
Most junk-yard-dogs, are pretty scrawny, fiercely savage, and griped with fear.
It was as if Father was saying that's what humanity is at its best, filled with fear, not being able to even for a moment believe I am good, or loving.
He began showing me that I was very much like this pitiful creature, destitute of being loved, but, He was going to do what I could not do, put within me the very ability to begin to receive/respond to His love, and as that unfolds, I will discover I have in Him the ability to trust Him...does this make any sense??
I guess the real issue here, is Him making it very clear to me, that He has NO expectations upon me, He asks nothing from me, not even to trust Him, as if I even could.
I am seeing how much I have been simply working out of what I thought he required/asked of me as his child, but I think I may have had that really balled up big time~ha!
Somehow in the midst of all of this, there is being awakened a 'knowing', that if anything ever comes to pass, or comes forth from my life, it will only be because of His doings.
I had an image pop into my thoughts today while delivering the mail, of the most pathetic emaciated human being you've ever seen, like a starving person from some third world country, or of one of those pictures of some of the prisoners from the Nazi death camps. I sensed Father saying to me, 'Son, that is you, you are barely alive, I am here to fill you with the greatest gift I have, my LOVE for you'!
Even now in putting these words down, it causes me to weep; I am so broken by this, His undeserved gift.
It talks of rightly dividing the word of truth in the scriptures, but yesterday when my wife and I were able to share such wonderful life with one another, I said to her, I actually feel that the Word himself is rightly dividing me!
I realize this is all so very subjective, but its my story and I'm sticking to it.
Please know we love you dearly, and thank you so much for asking about me, and best of all, sharing your pain, sorrow and joys with me, I treasure it all!!